Memo to resident barnyard males

Memorandum to all present and future resident males of the Stray Arrow Ranch barnyard

So as to make your time here at the ranch more pleasant and companionable for all, the management requests that you remember these important guidelines.

  • In the interest of barnyard tranquility, only one breeding male per species will be permitted in residence at any one time. At the managements’s discretion, an exception may be made for geese, out of respect for their unique lifelong pair-bonding habits.
  • Wethered or otherwise neutered males are exempt from the lone male restriction, as are juvenile males who have not yet developed a full testosterone load.
  • Please keep noisy territorial displays to a minimum.
  • Females are to be courted according to the norms of your species before mating. For example, roosters shall offer his hens treats and perform a wing display dance regularly. Failure to observe the immemorial custom of the species before proceeding to mating is little more than rape and will not be countenanced.
  • Similarly, no females may be wounded, injured or damaged in the procreative act.
  • If your instinctual behaviors include coparenting, these duties will be conducted to the satisfaction of your mate. Otherwise, you are not permitted to interfere with the welfare of any youngsters.
  • Your duty to protect your fellow barnyard residents from predatory cats, owls, racoons, etc., shall not be construed as a license for aggression toward human residents or guests. Under no circumstances will will you threaten a child.

One final note: As every 6 year old girl knows, you need a lot of Barbies, but only one Ken doll, and only for limited roles in the pageant of life. Please respect these simple rules. Offenders will be summarily dispatched to the freezer.

We hope you enjoy a pleasant and productive stay.